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Child Support [Nov. 24th, 2009|04:22 am]
AdultsofDivorce

adultsofdivorce

[judehopeless]
Hey Everyone,

I'm new to this community and I need your help. First here is a bit of background. My parents had me at 16 and got married at 17 they divorced 10 years later. I'm now 25, 26 a week from today, and about to graduate from law school. My parents had a horrible divorce and it was hard on my brother and me. One of the most horrible things was that my dad paid a ton of child support but none of it ever seemed to benefit my brother and me. As a result, I've been writing my final Law School research paper on child support. I need stories from adult children of divorce who were supposed to be receiving support from their non-custodial parent. Specifically I'd like to know if you think the child support was used on you or if it was used by your parent and you saw very little of it. I'd appreciate any stories you can give and of course if you let me use your story I won't use your name and or reference this sight.

Thanks so much for your help
;) Jude
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: afterdivorce
2009-12-30 07:49 pm (UTC)
In what way do you think it did not benefit you and your brother? Is it because you did not see the money? or you think it should have been given to you personally?

I am going through a divorce and raised in a divorced home. My ex husband and my dad both said they would have rather given the money to the kids.

My ex says this because he doesn't want to me to spend money on the bills that I have. Nevermind the fact that the bills I pay feed, clothed, and entertain his children.

My father said that he felt like if my mom told him I needed clothes and he would buy me clothes instead of giving my mom money because he wanted to make sure that's where it went.

So maybe the child support didn't benefit you growing up the way you would have wanted it to but rather the way your mother needed it too.
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From: (Anonymous)
2009-12-31 02:06 am (UTC)

Ugh

I was originally going to give more detail to avoid your response b/c I knew it would be coming. And my paper also agrees with you on some points. Yes the custodial parent should use that money to pay rent, bills, groceries, car insurance etc. and I don't think the child should be given the money b/c that's rediculous. I'm just arguing that every expense should have some benefit to the child and that the custodial parent should have some accountability.

My mom made good money and so did my step-dad so child support was not all they had to live on. My dad paid close to 2000 dollars a month but I still went to school in raggy clothes, and only got two dollars a day for lunch. The crappy hot lunch at my school cost 3.50. And meanwhile my mom had new cars, new kids, a new house, new jewelry and other toys that didn't benefit me at all. There are many other examples and not just from my situation.

I wrote a 34 page paper with 157 citations to various authorities so I took into account that custodial parents need to use child support for things like rent and I'm not saying all custodial parents use the money incorrectly. But some do, and as a result, there should be some way to hold them accountable. In a way that would just keep honest people honest. It's just like some non custodial parents do pay their child support as it is due but others do not. So the government holds those dead-beats accountable. Why can't we expect the same accountability from custodial parents.
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